Thursday, November 5, 2009

Fuck cunt balls.

Okay, here's the fucking deal right?
I'm stressed to the god damn max.
I don't have time to worry about silly things, like people changing or whatever, I have enough shit to worry about.
I have a million things to do, by abooooouuuttt... tomorrow?
Maybe.
Hopefully monday.
I've got... 4 TAFE assignments due.
2 English.
1 IPP.
1 Aus Studies.

Most TAFE shit is wanted tomorrow..  which is, just great you know?
Coz if I don't get that done, I also fail VOC. And HELLOOOOO year 13.
Fuck that.

On top of that, I've also got those homelife problems, that really do bloody suck.
Can't go into that though, it's pretty heavy.

And one of the last things.. anyone who's actually been in LOVE would understand this.. and I don't mean.. crushes and infactuation or whatever... I mean love. Where you'd sacrifice anything for their happiness... you'd follow them to the ends of the Earth. When they're in love with another, you bring them together.. because just to see them happy, you'll deal with any pain.
To go on forever.. watching them fall in and out of love with your friends and who ever else comes around..
You don't get jealous and spiteful... I mean, sure.. you're upset.. he doesn't love you, he loves another.
But if that is what makes him happy, so be it... and hey.. just maybe one day he'll turn around and see you've been waiting for him.. and just maybe, he'll be in love with you.
And he'll come to terms with that fact, take your hand in his... then never let go.
Because no one would know him better than you do, and no one would know you better the he does.
The perfect match.. If you weren't, you wouldn't be best friends.
That, is what I mean by love.
It's difficult to describe... but that'll just have to do.
See that situation I just decribed? That's the hell my heart is going through right now.
Difference being, I let him know..
Let him know everything..
And i'm still waiting for that fucking reply.
Does he feel the same? I think he does.. I've been told he does...
But I just can't believe it... Not till it gets proven.
Which is yet to happen...
I still feel he's in love with one of my best friends though (Which, I'm not holding anything against her for! I love her to bits! It's his doing, not hers)
And this guy, I love him to bits.. he really is my everything (as creepy as it sounds) he's my best friend.. and he means the world to me.. but as a friend of mine stated today, he has fucked me over numerous times.
Most people wonder how i'm still in love with him... after all the things he's put me through.. and all the things i've done for him, but never really got 'repaid'..
But, I just do. All that crap may have happened...
But I also see the side of him no one else seems too.... the sweet, caring, intelligent, affectionate...and quite frankly, sad.. side of him.
Who actually is there when I need him... when i'm upset.. he always manages to make me feel better... well.. most the time... but yeah, you get the picture.

But I feel like i'm living in the dark, reaching blindly... but finding nothing.. even the ground is slowly slipping away....

No comments:

Post a Comment