Help.

See... It's great knowing that no one reads these blogs of mine.. and I mean NO ONE...
But when it comes to times like these... I really need an outsiders advice.

But.. I'll just put it out on the internet.. it will be floating in the waves... and perhaps some alien or something somewhere will pick it up.

Now, I'm generally enjoying life.. things are actually going really well!
Had a really awesome weekend!
But... unfortunately my past has bled through and disrupted the peace.
And it's.. well... driving me to... anger and depression.
It kills me....
And seeing as no one reads these anyway.. I'll just come right out and say it.
An ex of mine, basically raped me. Repeatedly. For the whole time we were together.
And this also bought up dark memories from my childhood that bought me to extreme and violent depression.. and he knew, he knew all the while.
This ex of mine.. his face and voice has haunted me... right up until this day.. and all I want to do is rid him from my life.
But no, it's completely and utterly impossible.
Seeing as my best friend, and love of life, Rik is rather good friends with him.
Granted, they were best friends before I came along.
And that is what makes my decision hard.
The break up was difficult on Rik especially about that fact that he had to hear about what his best friend was doing to his other best friend, me.
And well, Rik cannot stand for rapists. He also knows about what happened to me in my past as well.
And well, I felt awful about tearing their 'best-friendship' apart, because Rik refused to talk to him.
So, in attempts to make it all easier... I started talking to the ex again.
Which completely backfired, and Rik and the ex started ALSO talking again.. and start hanging out again.
So now I have to deal with them hanging out again, quite a lot.
Rik doesn't tell me, but the ex does.
Or pictures show up.. and Rik posts online about the ex and says he's one of his favourite friends.
It kills me, tears me apart from the inside.... brings me to tears...
I don't know how to deal with this...

No matter what, I just can't escape my fucking past.